Took me to Hell and back… (and how to not use

Ahh, Hell. It should bring forth images of heat. Unbearable heat that melts you to the seat of your car and doesn’t let up.

Alas, no. Hell was frozen.I got a callback for another movie, this one called The End of the Tour. I had originally auditioned a week prior. The callbacks were, of course, in Grand Rapids. Which for those not in Michigan is on the other side of the state from Detroit. Well, close, anyway. So I enlisted Twinnie to come with me. Twinnie and I should never be allowed in close proximity for extended periods of time because the world runs the risk of imploding in a shower of awesome and glitter. Anyway, I didn’t want to drive 2.5 hours one way by myself, just to turn around and drive it again on the way home, so I made her go with me. Epic Twinnie Road Trip.

Well, it started off that way.

A friend told us about a new coffee shop that opened in Pinckney called D20 Cafe. Hey, D20 is my derby number for a reason, so after finding ourselves with an hour and a half to spare on our trip, we decided to head out to get coffee there and check the place out. So we followed the map to the place and finally found it after driving past it a few times, only to find it was still closed for the day even though online their hours had them open for almost an hour already. Oh well, we can find coffee elsewhere so let’s just turn around– wait.

What’s that?

As I turned the car around to head back to the expressway, Twinnie and I both saw it at the same time. THE SIGN FOR HELL, MICHIGAN. It said HELL –> and so of course we HAD to check it out. It was a requirement. We needed to take a picture of the Welcome to Hell sign with ice on it since it had been so snowy and icy this year because of the polar vortex insanity we kept getting. So with an hour and change to spare, I turned the car to follow the road.

The road became a dirt road. The dirt road became a trail. The trail became a thin ice-coated torture device with drop-offs on each side and nowhere to turn around. My bladder bounced around in protest. My car, less than a month old still, was hating me. Without anywhere to turn around and unable to navigate the icy trail in reverse, we had no choice but to press on. So press on we did. We even started asking Siri how to get where we needed to be. (Sidenote: Siri is an unhelpful wench who hates us.)

Eventually after taking us in a wide circle and ending up turning around in the exact place I had turned around in about 40 minutes prior, we finally figured out how to get where we needed to be. Or so we thought. In need of shamrock shakes, food and an empty bladder, we cheered upon finding a McDonald’s in the middle of nowhere. We also found out we were nearly in Jackson. Needless to say, that was WAY out of our way and it took us almost half an hour to get back to the expressway, just a few exits past where we had exited to start this trip in the first place. Siri kept taunting us that we were going to be half an hour late to the audition in Grand Rapids, but I refused to let her be a naysayer. REFUSED. So I put my new car’s get-up-and-go into the paces and did my very best to qualify for some sort of racetrack award and skidded into the parking lot with two minutes to spare.

Now, a few days before the audition I had gotten my callback information with the location and my sides and things. Also included in the email was a schedule grid of people that listed a few people before me and after me. I looked it all over, then promptly ignored it until the day before the audition when I had to print the map (I already had the sides memorized from my original audition). Now for a few days it had been bugging me why this name on the imdb page for the movie kept sounding familiar when I had never done anything with her and she only had like one or two credits to her name and it was nothing I had ever heard of otherwise. I figured she must have a similar name to someone I had worked with before or maybe I had heard her name in passing before. I mean Kendall isn’t an uncommon name, though there aren’t a whole lot of girls out there with that name. It’s not something that is so unusual that there can only be one, that is. So when I opened the email to print the information, I realized why her name was so familiar.

She was there. On the callback list. Listed as auditioning for the role she had listed herself as playing on imdb. (At least, I am going to assume she listed herself as the only other people outside of the production crew that list people are agents and any agent would know better than to list her for a role she hadn’t yet been officially offered.) Maybe this was just a formality, though? Maybe the director wanted to have her read against someone else so she was on the list but it wasn’t a real callback? Wait. Nope. Three other people on my list were also reading for the SAME ROLE so that wasn’t the case.

We got to the audition and there she was, sitting there talking about how she moved out to LA and how she sees stars all the time and how she gets her hair cut at the same place Demi Moore does. She also mentioned how she is a waitress at two places and stars come in those places all the time and how she used to model but doesn’t now and in LA you should be auditioning every single day or you are doing something wrong and then went on to give horrible ‘advice’ to the people in the waiting room. Clearly she wasn’t even trying to ‘help’ anyone, especially based on the horrible advice she gave out; this was pretty clearly a ‘Look at me, I live in LA now, I am just back here for this callback’ moment.

Now, as someone who recently did a Chevy commercial voiceover and has been in several movies, I knew better than to follow a lot of the advice she tried to give out. But instead of ignoring her, should I have chimed in? Should I have said something to keep any of the people who might fall for her poor advice from doing so? Would chiming in have made me just as bad or worse than her? I certainly didn’t want to be a ‘LOOK AT ME! I AM A PROFESSIONAL! LET ME NAME DROP!’ type at all and I try to avoid being seen as one, but should it have been my place to contradict some of what she said? I’m more than happy to share knowledge with people, I mean I am into social learning and all that, but I felt like if I spoke up I would somehow be on her level and I didn’t want to be there.

Needless to say, two days later her name was removed from the imdb page. Since it can take MONTHS sometimes for imdb to remove a credit from your own page, I am pretty sure it was the production crew who had it removed.


Now the movie itself is set in the mid 1990s. So I tight-rolled my jeans like we did back in the 90s. I fixed my hair in the ‘Rachel’ style as best I could. I also wore my vintage Union Jack Docs. I’ve had these boots for years and guaranteed EVERY time I wear them someone comments on them. They really are THE absolutely coolest boots ever, if I do say so myself.

So it was then my turn and I got called back. Twinnie stayed out in the waiting area and I went into the office. It really was just a small office room with a desk, a chair, a camera and some tape marks on the floor for my mark. The director was at the desk, the casting director was running the camera and sat on the edge of the desk and then there was little ol’ me. The people outside, especially the one who was holding court, were getting a bit loud so the casting director stuck her head out and hushed them. I had two parts I was reading for. Originally I had read for Part A and then the casting director also had me also read Part B while I was there. For the callback it was for Part B and also Part C.

I read the first one and the director said good, then wanted me to do it again and this time be ‘really overly excited’ about it. This guy is my FAVORITE AUTHOR and he’s talking to me. omgomgomg. So I asked ‘Soooo… you want me to totally fangirl out?’ and he said ‘YES. Fangirl out. Exactly!’ so I did. And he apparently thought it was hilarious because he couldn’t stop laughing. So then he had me do it again as if I was disinterested.

After that I did Part C and the same thing. He had me fangirl out again, then had me do it a few different ways. He must have found me amusing because he kept laughing. And not the polite sort of laugh, he actually had a belly laugh going on a few times. Then we talked for a couple of minutes and he commented on my boots and stuff, then I told him I better let them get to the room full of people outside and walked out.

On the way back to the car, Twinnie mentioned that since the casting director had hushed them and everyone was super super quiet, they could hear EVERYTHING in my audition and that she thought I did great. She said that every time the director would laugh, Kendall would GLARE DEADLY DAGGERS at the wall like she was trying to kill me through the wall or something.

Now I never thought I’d be THAT person. I’ve always been the person who shows up and since I don’t really care one way or the other if I get parts since it’s not my livelihood and just something I do for fun on the side, I’ve always thought of myself as the person that someone sees and goes ‘Oh hey! It’s Misty!’ and not ‘Oh hey! It’s competition!’ of any sort. Especially when I was not up for the role this girl was reading for. I’m not competition for her, so why glare at me through the wall? Wouldn’t anyone else be happy to hear it because it meant I left the director in a hopefully good mood?

I guess I will never understand how some people think.